Showing posts with label painting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label painting. Show all posts
Friday, March 28, 2014
Friday, June 28, 2013
it's not blank canvas syndrome... wish it was
It's been a while since I have written I should make it a habit. I am always giving advice to others so maybe I can have something of the sort happening here while my art is in contemplation. And while my jewelry line is as well. I picked up pliers yesterday it had been a while. I placed them neatly in their spot again and stared at them.
I was working in the studio, rearranging it after a few years it had been abandoned. The last painting on my easel was of my late mother. I just looked at it tried to think and feel and remember my last brushstroke on the painting, but I couldn't. I always kind of remember my last phase on a work.
I sorted everything out as best I could for now. I can squeeze fresh colors onto my palette and just go at it. Slap the paint on, or meticulously just dab it while I get lost in thoughts with music in the background a total must for me.
I can't bring myself to do either. I managed to sit and stare for some time. Not the blank canvas syndrome... just out right lost, daytime blankness starring. No sound, no music. Nothing. I was wondering if one day my ghost would haunt someone. My artist ghost. Scaring a perfectly young couple with random scrapings on canvas with brushes or palette knives, or echoes of my humming as I worked scaring the crap out of happy people.
I know the fundamental reason for this. It's been two days. I feel an emptiness. It's not my mom's unfinished portrait that's triggered this. I carefully placed it afloat the other paintings so I can easily grab it one day when I am ready to finish it if I ever do. It's something else.
I hope that whatever happened, whatever thing triggered this I pray it's temporary. I am never lost. I have become such a pillar in the craziest situations.
Live in hopes, as Mikki one of my bestie's says.
I was working in the studio, rearranging it after a few years it had been abandoned. The last painting on my easel was of my late mother. I just looked at it tried to think and feel and remember my last brushstroke on the painting, but I couldn't. I always kind of remember my last phase on a work.
I sorted everything out as best I could for now. I can squeeze fresh colors onto my palette and just go at it. Slap the paint on, or meticulously just dab it while I get lost in thoughts with music in the background a total must for me.
I can't bring myself to do either. I managed to sit and stare for some time. Not the blank canvas syndrome... just out right lost, daytime blankness starring. No sound, no music. Nothing. I was wondering if one day my ghost would haunt someone. My artist ghost. Scaring a perfectly young couple with random scrapings on canvas with brushes or palette knives, or echoes of my humming as I worked scaring the crap out of happy people.
I know the fundamental reason for this. It's been two days. I feel an emptiness. It's not my mom's unfinished portrait that's triggered this. I carefully placed it afloat the other paintings so I can easily grab it one day when I am ready to finish it if I ever do. It's something else.
I hope that whatever happened, whatever thing triggered this I pray it's temporary. I am never lost. I have become such a pillar in the craziest situations.
Live in hopes, as Mikki one of my bestie's says.
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