Friday, June 28, 2013

it's not blank canvas syndrome... wish it was

It's been a while since I have written I should make it a habit. I am always giving advice to others so maybe I can have something of the sort happening here while my art is in contemplation. And while my jewelry line is as well. I picked up pliers yesterday it had been a while. I placed them neatly in their spot again and stared at them.
I was working in the studio, rearranging it after a few years it had been abandoned. The last painting on my easel was of my late mother. I just looked at it tried to think and feel and remember my last brushstroke on the painting, but I couldn't. I always kind of remember my last phase on a work.
I sorted everything out as best I could for now. I can squeeze fresh colors onto my palette and just go at it. Slap the paint on, or meticulously just dab it while I get lost in thoughts with music in the background a total must for me.
I can't bring myself to do either. I managed to sit and stare for some time. Not the blank canvas syndrome... just out right lost, daytime blankness starring. No sound, no music. Nothing. I was wondering if one day my ghost would haunt someone. My artist ghost. Scaring a perfectly young couple with random scrapings on canvas with brushes or palette knives, or echoes of my humming as I worked scaring the crap out of happy people.
I know the fundamental reason for this. It's been two days. I feel an emptiness. It's not my mom's unfinished portrait that's triggered this. I carefully placed it afloat the other paintings so I can easily grab it one day when I am ready to finish it if I ever do. It's something else.
I hope that whatever happened, whatever thing triggered this I pray it's temporary. I am never lost. I have become such a pillar in the craziest situations.
Live in hopes, as Mikki one of my bestie's says.

Oil Paintings